Carn Wheelers at Hell and Back
Hell and Back. 1st Feb 2015
Not strickly cycling, but……
It is now Tuesday and my fingers are thawed out finally, and so it’s time to put pen to paper so that we can commit to history some of the tales surrounding the day that Team CarnAge went to Hell and Back. Yes, Sunday 1st Feb 2015 was the date that Anthony Bradley, Ciaran Bradley, Tony O’Doherty and myself --- a veteran selection from the Carn Wheelers club -- went to the tuffest muddiest iciest assault course in the land, Hell and Back (Hellandback.ie).
We arrived early (sure how could you sleep with a day like that ahead of you). We were togged out and at the starting line a good 45 minutes before our group was due to take off. It was a crisp clear morning, but the biting wind keep the temperatures low. There was music blasting, so we just threw some shapes to keep ourselves warm. Anthony won that round.
At 10:30, our group, the red-bands, about 200 of us, were summoned to the starting enclosure. Here we had to clammer our way over a 5 feet wooden barricade – just to get into the corral. When inside, the organisers made us pledge our allegiance to the Hell&Back cause and asked us if we were ready. "yes” we replied. "Are You Ready”, he roared again, "YES” we roared back at him. But that was not good enough. He could not let us go out there in such an unmotivated state. "ARE YOU READY!!” he bellowed. "Hell YEAH!!” we bellowed back. With those words, he told us to get out of here. There was a wall made of big square bales and we cannonballed ourselves at it.
Straight into the first obstacle – the pond. The first few hellinators into the water broke the ice and the rest of us followed. "Ah its not too bad” I thought. But the pond was about 30 metres long, and with every step taken I could feel the frost being absorbed into me - first setting into my toes, then heels and then up into the muscles of the legs. Painful.
Out of the lake, then running on frozen feet to the next
obstacle -- a series of steep sided
trenches with more frozen water lying in
the bottom. Frost-bite boy would have
known to stay at home this day, no matter what the mother towl him.
At this stage all I could think of was how brittle things can get when they are
extremely cold, eg power lines can snap in artic Canada. I kept thinking that
my toes and feet would just shatter and I’d be left walking on stumps only.
Running along, and then a 100 yard crawl under a net. This was located in a dry (up) hill, but the ground was frozen solid and very sore on the knees and elbows.
At this stage I wont go into detail on all the obstacles, so a quick recant of the ones I can remember, followed by more detail on the more memorable ones.
· Snipper forest – where armed snipers fired wee hard pellets at your bowtucks
· Get knotted – a series on under ropes, over ropes and through ropes
· Backward uphill, under a net, with a slidy tarpaulin for a surface
· Roll the log under 20 metres of barbed wire
· Carry the heavy log up the hill and down again
· Jog/sprint/waddle up the Sugarloaf mountain , partly covered in snow
· Squeeze through a tyre mangle
· Cross a raging 5 foot deep river – 3 times!!
· Run for (what seemed like) miles down a shallow icy river
· Through loads of tunnels and pipes – some in near total darkness
· 10KMs of running in total
If someone had said to me that you can get a headache from sticking your head under water for just one second I would not have believed them . But it is true, and the quarry pit obstacle was the place to prove it. This obstacle presented me with 3 great shocks.
Having clammered over a heap of old tyres and horse fences and mud ramps, we found ourselves in a large tarn of dirty icy water, about 2 feet deep. In front of us was a barrier about 12 feet high but only going down to about 2 inches above the water. The only way through was to go under the barrier, head under water. I braced myself, bend down and went under. My first shock was that this water was stinking, like minging, filthy, dirty stuff. As I stood up, came my second shock – instance brain freeze. A serious headache that no big mouthfuls of ice cream could ever give you. As I stood in a stupor for a wee second, and the dirty water cleared from my eyes – then came the third and biggest shock -- another barrier in front of us, and we had to dunk in again. Megga Bloot!!
Another obstacle - into the swamp -- waste high in thick sticky clabber that
sucked you down. Over looking the swamp
was a bridge, where sadistic onlookers leered over at us. One of them shouted "Keeps your legs
up”.
"Whatdeeyahmean Keep your legs up” I wondered, "Do you want me to do a hand
stand”. But then I could see that Tony
had heeded the advise and he just seemed to walk over the mire, like a stone
skimming the water’s surface, swimming like Tarzan, and before you knew it, he
himself was up on that bridge shouting out the advise. I’m sure that the GoPro will highlight that
the other 3 of us were only slow here because we stopped to unstick a
distressed female competitor.
Over the double ten foot tessies, where the tall lads really helped out the wee lads with a much needed leg up.
And so onto the last obstacle which was a run-through. An open tunnel of about 5 foot in height with a couple of cross bars set at about 2 feet of the ground. No bother, just run through and skip over the bars and we’re home. No!. There was, what looked like thin strings hanging from the roof and someone said that they were electrified. In we went, Ciaran first. About a third of the way through he must have hit a landmine because he was literally blown off his feet, being propelled forward and sideways, landing flat out on his belly with arms and legs stretched out in the shape of an X. Stunned, he gathered himself up slowly to his knees, and then, to help himself onto his feet, he caught hold of the nearest cross bar. Big mistake. Another huge jolt and he was summersaulting backwards. Olympic gymnastic lessons for you next Ciaran.
But we made it. We had made it to Hell and Back and had survived.
A good, but painful, day was had by all. Well done.
Now to see if the Cillet-Bang is as good at removing dirt and stains as it claims to be.
